Finally

Time flies
one month..four weeks
12++ hours..
end on today
I am so tired..
Life is tiring..
I can't complain too much
I have to use it..

Work is so so so so tired
Office girl is not that good
hahaha..
I will not simple spend my salary
6.30am wake up
11.00pm reach home..
Even I earn Sgd
So what??!
I feel money is hard to earn first time
hahaha...i want to learn from u!
you are my example =)

Laptop...
I work so hard because of laptop
I feel I am silly and stupid..
All salary spend in a laptop..
no more saving ..
bleeding ..
Start from today , I dont want simple spend my money!
Will I do that??!!
Hope so..

Going back Ipoh on Tuesday with Second Sis
but have to go KL this Sunday
Life is full of colourful
I only can meet him tomorrow for celebrating his birthday ..

No much of time for us..
Future..still far.
sigh!

Happy holidays Everyone =)

How to choose?

Every year i confuse to go anywhere for CNY
Everyone is fixed
mine is special ..every year have to think properly
CNY ...

If i go back Ipoh, have to go back at 29 or 30 of january
please la..
too early..

If i go back melaka, i feel sorry to my mum side relative
how ? how ?


I hate to choose about this!
what the hell!



if the last decide is..
Dont go every where
just stay at home..
good!

It was a Nightmare

一转眼
又多一年了
已经不再把它当一会儿事
没人提起
我根本不会去想起
很多伤感
日子一天一天的过
我就一天一天的成长

懂事以来
我都不管他们的世界
也不想容入他们的世界
我只是个小孩
什么都不知
我读好我的书
考好我的试
你们要怎样我都不理
这几年 我还不是这样的过得好好的
只是缺乏......

今天有人向我提起当年的事
那是多莫久的事
多莫伤心的事
回忆那片段
多莫希望是场可怕的恶梦
醒来一切都打回原形
打回我所希望能够的一切
不过
那是不可能的
因为它根本不是梦
而是事实

感觉所有的事情
好像昨天才发生
真的很可怕
真的很怕

我踏进门的那一幕
我永远深刻影响
3天，没有妈妈的日子
生病，没妈妈的日子
睡迟，没妈妈的日子
也是第一次
那时懂事的我
知道所有的事
但大人还是要骗我
想起来 真的 很心酸
心酸他们愚蠢的举动
而不是骗我的举动
他们不让我知道
我也知道理由

他们的谈吐
他们的举动
我真的心痛
那么小的我
要我承受那么大的打击

人生
有两次幸福的机会
一 小时候家人给的爱
二 未来所建立的家庭
我已经失去一次机会的
第二次我不会让它重演

小时候
看起来没什么
其实压抑力真的要很强
半夜躲起来哭
没人知
住干姐姐的家
妈妈一个月只来两次
他去做工了
根本没勇气说再见
不想看到她离开的背影

他的举动
真的不可理喻
当人家问我
为什么。。 怎样了 。。。
我只会回答
“很好啊”
我只会装
因为不想讲多
讲多只是心痛

我们三姐妹
都是在自己的生活长大
其实
想起来
我比他们好
可是我的结局没有他们好
到现在
我都不晓得 我的结局
将会是怎样
两全其美是我所希望的
可是
永远都没有办法实现

其实
我并没有很想要怪他
但他真的错到很离谱
有人问我
“假如以后他找回你..你会怎么做？接受他吗？”
在真正的原理
我完全没有思考的回答说“不会理他”
可是
心里自己思考
我根本过不了自己这关
我会想要同情他
这才是我的心里话
但我不可以说出来
全部人会恨死我
手心是肉
手背也是肉
假如真的要我决定
我真的不该如何是好

新的一年里
我真的不知道该怎么做
只可以说
跟着自己的心走

想着想着
我输给自己的眼泪...

work..

2011
i am stepping into this society
it is not a easy job for me
new life start
i can't reject
i just can accept and fight it
every year
For me
it is a new challenging
i love challenging when i was studying
i scare challenging now

2010
i am graduated
secondary life end in that year
i regretted i did not cherish the time in school with my classmate
i regretted i always stay in home and be a house girl
In my secondary life, i love st john more than everything
Form 5 ..i just staring love my classmate and the class
luckily..it is not late for me

work two days edi
actually i used to it
but i prefer office working is a early shift for me
but have to wait someone to send me home
so!!!
10.30pm just reach home
7.30am left home!!
what's a tired life

Now i totally realize
money is hard to earn
easy to spend
i CAN spend my money in few seconds and without thinking properly
i MUST earn my money in long hours and thinking properly in my work

what's a big different????!!
why? is it called life??

i should enjoy, right?
i should work hard, right?
i tell myself
i cannot be a useless people
i must be a useful people
i cannot waste my time
i must spend my time properly


after working
reach home..i am tired edi
i am worrying about after that life
i want to live in singapore for studying in poly
nursing sponsorship i must get it
not try to get it
is MUST get it!

haiz

i hate my dad..since he dumped me
he is not suitable be a father
he did not get a responsible to take care me and sister
he never give me maintenance
i have to depend on my mother
haiz
bitter disappointed ..
i told him i want to study in Singapore
he said " go loh, pay fee yourself.. go and work part time.."
i just said " ohoh"

same
my mum and sis asked me to get allowance from singapore hospital
they wont give me any maintenance
many people told me , they wont be so cruel and wont give me
Wrong!! totally wrong
they asked me find part time work in Sat & Sun
They never think why i dont want to work when i study
they never think what shift what day i will train in hospital
they only know how to say say say say
just now my sis said me again
said about renting for room in Sg
ask me to find myself
everything everything everything
i have to do myself
is it freedom???
sometimes i told them about the situation
they just said " you grow up edi, check and find yourself..dont ask us"

Example,
Finding a guarantor for my nursing scholarship before
they asked me to settle myself
everyone have their parents to think and solve it
me???????? think myself
who can know my situation??
who know??
who know??

They are good actually..
but..haiz
i dont know..

My heart is tired
I will not allow this life in my future life
In this home
No one understand me
told them and let them know = beat the air